Who's The Boss??

You might have heard me mention this before, but just in case you weren’t paying attention the first time or you’ve been hiding under a rock, I LOVE Japanese vending machines. Let me repeat, I LOVE Japanese vending machines! They are everywhere. And when I say everywhere, I literally mean everywhere. It’s been said that on the most desolate islands, where there is nothing more than a shack and a beach, you can still find a vending machine. In fact, there is a vending machine at the end of my drive way and on each corner of my street, as well as every 20 feet as you walk down the street. If by chance you happen to miss the first 5 vending machines you pass, no worries, head straight 10more feet and you'll run into 5 more.

The beauty of the Japanese vending machine is this, not only can you get a nice cold beverage on a hot day, but you can also get a piping hot can of coffee. We’re talking get-out-your-gloves-you’re-gonna-get-3rd-degree-burns-from-the-aluminum-can hot. I still have no idea how they do this but I questioned not the physics as my taste buds cared not. That was until recently when I purchased a "hot" coffee that came out ice cold. WTF!?!? I paid good yen for a hot can of coffee and instead got an iced beverage. What to do? Where do I send my letter of complaint? Can I get a refund? All good questions, yet when everything is written in kanji, hiragana and katagana, what is one to do? That brings to mind a topic for a later discussion...3 forms of writing for 1 language. Is this necessary? Suffice it to say I took my cold can of coffee and went home to cry. On second thought, maybe I will write the vending machines sponsor, Tommy Lee Jones? One would only imagine that he is the true master mind (i.e. “BOSS) of said vending machines as his mug adorns 99% of the vending machines on the island.

You know what question I would like to ask The Boss? Could you please translate the ingredients on the back of this can of Georgia Café Au Lait?? Rumor has it that each can of Georgia coffee is laced with nicotine and Ritalin. Apparently my very own naval hospital here on the island ran tests on the coffee only to find that it had traces of these ingredients. No wonder I find myself wondering out to the vending machine in my driveway at 3am looking to satisfy my salacious cravings. Any attempt to translate ingredients posted in pic would be greatly appreciated as I am starting to crave cigarettes and am developing a tic.