I Wish I Were A Hippy In Thailand

My dreams of becoming a hippy, hanging out in a commune, not shaving and letting my hair rat itself into awesome dreads ALMOST came to fruition just a mere couple of weeks ago. Let me share with you the AWESOME destination that is....."wait for it"....THAILAND!

Let me break it down for you...The trip started at the Bangkok airport. Due to a small typhoon brewing off the coast of Taiwan, our plane was slightly delayed which left us rushing through the Bangkok streets to find the train station where we hopped an overnight train to Chaing Mai. Shout out to Oshana Spring from Santa Fe, NM for a rather entertaining ride through Thailand! It's amazing how well you can sleep on a train after 3 gianormous Singhas (2nd shout out!). Our days there were packed with elephant rides, bamboo rafting, ox cart rides, markets and oh yeah, massages. My 3rd shout out goes to the Thai massage parlors that charge less than $5 for an hour massage. That's right Crystal...a 60 for 5 or 5 for 60 which ever makes more sense. I think there were 2 days that we actually got 2/day. Massage high five!

Thought about joining the long neck tribe.....nah.

My skills as a Thai chef were quite impressive...yum

My new elephant friend

Don't I look like a natural??

Next stop Phuket. Beach, sun and sand. For this stop we decided to stay in an actual hotel complete with creature comforts such as A/C, hot showers and a bar IN the pool. 4th shout out to the crazy pool bar tender who attempted to get us dates for the evening with the cute Ausie boys. Now we must take a time out to discuss my near death experience and how we almost died by speedboat. If anyone has been to Thailand, than you are well aware of their "driving skills". Now place those same people behind the wheel of a high powered speed boat, take away common sense, add a hint of no rules/regulations/licenses to operate heavy machinery, take away all the life jackets and you have the makings for mass destruction. The day started like any other day for a nice tour of the islands. We made it out to the islands, went snorkeling, chased monkeys, drank fun fruit drinks under umbrellas, peed in the ocean (20 baht to use the bathroom? please...there's a big blue bathroom 20 ft in front of me), ate lunch and took a nap. Then it was time to make it the 45min back to port. Unfortunately the clouds had rolled in and the seas had risen which led to the longest, scariest ride of my life. Sitting in the front of a speedboat, doing 100MPH, hanging on for dear life. I have bruises EVERYWHERE! I actually think I have a cracked vertebrae. Thankfully we survived cause then we enjoyed a night out at the lady/boy cabaret show. Nothing like men dressed as ladies that look better in a dress than I do. Bastards! Then we went diving. Beautiful!

Survival...1 step closer to dreads.

Lady-boy show cabaret...how can they have nicer boobs than me?

Fighting the monkeys!

What a view!

After beach time, big lights, big city...Bangkok. Temples, markets, amazing street vendors, great food, chang beer (pure evil in a bottle) and boxing. The city has it all and then some. I'll touch on the highlights...boxing. Great fights with the smallest men in the world that could definitely kill me in 10 seconds. Plus we had the greatest little beer boy who kept our cups filled and the fun just kept coming until early the next morning when we had to wake up for our day long boat tour of the city. Ouch! The boat tour was amazing, the temples beautiful and there is nothing like a bowl of noodles from the lady on the street corner who lets rats climb around the dish washing station in the gutter to cure a hangover. We got a tour of the floating markets, pet tigers at the Tiger Temple and enjoyed a session at Monk Chat.

I know, you're all jealous. :)

Noodles at the floating market, delicious and less than $1

Temples, Temples, Temples

Eat your heart out Rocky!

Ring side baby!

Thailand is AWESOME!!! I suggest you all book a trip right now and when you have the trip booked, call me. I'll not only meet you there, I'll hook you up with all the secrets. The 1st one being that almost all Taxi drivers are scum and you must search their souls before you get in the car with one. Really there's too much fun and wonderfulness to write about so I'm just going to end this blog before I start rambling on and divulging too much. Remember ladies, what happens in Thailand, stays in Thailand.