Thailand 2009 Video Montage

Here it is the long awaited video montage chronicling our amazing trip to Thailand. Jess's video skills just get better and better and well the acting, Oscar winning. Enjoy!

I Wish I Were A Hippy In Thailand

My dreams of becoming a hippy, hanging out in a commune, not shaving and letting my hair rat itself into awesome dreads ALMOST came to fruition just a mere couple of weeks ago. Let me share with you the AWESOME destination that is....."wait for it"....THAILAND!

Let me break it down for you...The trip started at the Bangkok airport. Due to a small typhoon brewing off the coast of Taiwan, our plane was slightly delayed which left us rushing through the Bangkok streets to find the train station where we hopped an overnight train to Chaing Mai. Shout out to Oshana Spring from Santa Fe, NM for a rather entertaining ride through Thailand! It's amazing how well you can sleep on a train after 3 gianormous Singhas (2nd shout out!). Our days there were packed with elephant rides, bamboo rafting, ox cart rides, markets and oh yeah, massages. My 3rd shout out goes to the Thai massage parlors that charge less than $5 for an hour massage. That's right Crystal...a 60 for 5 or 5 for 60 which ever makes more sense. I think there were 2 days that we actually got 2/day. Massage high five!

Thought about joining the long neck tribe.....nah.

My skills as a Thai chef were quite impressive...yum

My new elephant friend

Don't I look like a natural??

Next stop Phuket. Beach, sun and sand. For this stop we decided to stay in an actual hotel complete with creature comforts such as A/C, hot showers and a bar IN the pool. 4th shout out to the crazy pool bar tender who attempted to get us dates for the evening with the cute Ausie boys. Now we must take a time out to discuss my near death experience and how we almost died by speedboat. If anyone has been to Thailand, than you are well aware of their "driving skills". Now place those same people behind the wheel of a high powered speed boat, take away common sense, add a hint of no rules/regulations/licenses to operate heavy machinery, take away all the life jackets and you have the makings for mass destruction. The day started like any other day for a nice tour of the islands. We made it out to the islands, went snorkeling, chased monkeys, drank fun fruit drinks under umbrellas, peed in the ocean (20 baht to use the bathroom? please...there's a big blue bathroom 20 ft in front of me), ate lunch and took a nap. Then it was time to make it the 45min back to port. Unfortunately the clouds had rolled in and the seas had risen which led to the longest, scariest ride of my life. Sitting in the front of a speedboat, doing 100MPH, hanging on for dear life. I have bruises EVERYWHERE! I actually think I have a cracked vertebrae. Thankfully we survived cause then we enjoyed a night out at the lady/boy cabaret show. Nothing like men dressed as ladies that look better in a dress than I do. Bastards! Then we went diving. Beautiful!

Survival...1 step closer to dreads.

Lady-boy show cabaret...how can they have nicer boobs than me?

Fighting the monkeys!

What a view!

After beach time, big lights, big city...Bangkok. Temples, markets, amazing street vendors, great food, chang beer (pure evil in a bottle) and boxing. The city has it all and then some. I'll touch on the highlights...boxing. Great fights with the smallest men in the world that could definitely kill me in 10 seconds. Plus we had the greatest little beer boy who kept our cups filled and the fun just kept coming until early the next morning when we had to wake up for our day long boat tour of the city. Ouch! The boat tour was amazing, the temples beautiful and there is nothing like a bowl of noodles from the lady on the street corner who lets rats climb around the dish washing station in the gutter to cure a hangover. We got a tour of the floating markets, pet tigers at the Tiger Temple and enjoyed a session at Monk Chat.

I know, you're all jealous. :)

Noodles at the floating market, delicious and less than $1

Temples, Temples, Temples

Eat your heart out Rocky!

Ring side baby!

Thailand is AWESOME!!! I suggest you all book a trip right now and when you have the trip booked, call me. I'll not only meet you there, I'll hook you up with all the secrets. The 1st one being that almost all Taxi drivers are scum and you must search their souls before you get in the car with one. Really there's too much fun and wonderfulness to write about so I'm just going to end this blog before I start rambling on and divulging too much. Remember ladies, what happens in Thailand, stays in Thailand.

Zamami, pineapples and scooter madness!

Question: What does one do with a few days off in a row when already living on an island paradise? Answer: Hop over to a neighboring island with it’s very own paradise and bring some friends. Girls trip, Zamami Island. Sun, sand, new friends and good drinks. If you’re stationed in Okinawa and you haven’t made a trip out to one of the outer islands, you’re missing out. And if you’re reading this from the States, well….you’re really missing out.

Just a short fairy ride away sits Zamami Island, one of the few islands making up the Kerama Island group. Zamami’s made up of a small port town littered with guesthouses, izakayas and dive shops catering mostly to Japanese mainland tourists and a few stray gaijin. After arriving to our very special guesthouse (a floor, 3 mats and a 100 yen/hr coin operated air conditioner), we attempted to eat at one of the many izakayas. Thankfully our trusty guesthouse owner, Hero, was there to save us for we ventured to 6 different places before he finally convinced someone to take pity on us and feed us.

What better way to describe the fun, than to show you all directly. Click on the below link to enjoy this fine video montage brought to you by Jessica Orzechowski featuring myself, Danielle Fischer, Jess-the director/producer, an assortment of island-crazed Japanese tourists and some kittens. I would like to add that the fine gentleman that starts of the featured film is our dear Japanese friend who spent 4 years in Denton, TX (holla!!) studying and trying "10 types of drugs". He now builds robots that build our cars....makes me feel safe. This is also the same bar where we had all the "free drink" we could for a mere 1000 yen.

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DMKwLrQeOu3Q&h=d53e8e0be6d251ca5db6eb3c8a963e38

Ok, if you've never rented a scooter....rent one now! They are the MOST fun and I'm pretty sure that when you're riding one you look so dorky that in fact you are cool. I'm looking into trading my wheels for a hot pink Vespa right away. I have in fact wrote a poem dedicated to my love of the scooter. Enjoy.

Ode to the scooter
Zamami summer
Wind rushes through my hair
No wait, my helmet

Little pink scooter
Ah watch out for that truck
Fast, very fast we go


We enjoyed beach time, party time and everything in between. Photos to prove it:

Hero, our guesthouse host who beside threatening to BBQ the kittens

could also be found EVERYWHERE on the island at ANYTIME of the day.

The local 105 shop, loitering stop and frequent food stop as we had difficulty getting fed elsewhere.


Check out that beach air!

Our "room"...very cozy thanks to Danielle who got up every hour or so through the night to keep the A/C going.

Downtown Zamami, happening place

After Zamami, we brought my friend Jess back to Okinawa for some local fun. First stop, Kinpa Ginpa (see previous blog of the greatest ramen in the world) and Cocoks for our pedis. The next morning, off to Higi Falls. So far everyone I know who's hiked these falls has run into a snake. So why is it that when I go to hike I am attacked by not 1, but 2 slithery demons??? The 2nd or which I'll swear to this day was a Habu. Let us not discuss the panic attacks that ensued after each encounter. I think Jess is still upset she was unable to video montage the whole thing. We made it back from the falls without another incident and set off for Pineapple Park. I was lead to believe that this Pineapple Park was a ridiculous tourist stop not worth my time but for $5 I've decided this is quite the place. First, there is a very cheesy ride of the Jurassic Park style pineapple cart ride through the pineapple garden. Witness the illegal shots taken from inside the cart ("no picture, no picture"). Next, the museum and gift shop complete with pineapple wine tasting and the tasting of everything else they could think to sample, including goya juice (ughhhh stay clear). I definitely had my $5 worth to eat in pineapple cake, cookies, chocolate, etc. Yum yum.

Who's got toe envy??

Higi Falls


Terror suspect #1, #2 avoided capture by camera but I have an eyewitness


How to avoid Habu attacks

Jurassic Pineapple

All in all, I'd say a perfect way to spend some much needed days off in Okinawa. Waiting for my next visitors!!

Hot Lava conquers Fuji-san and has some fun Tokyo-style!

Ahhh, Tokyo. Land of the rising sun. The New York City of Asia. Our primary goal, to hike Mt Fuji before the end of the climbing season. However, on arrival, 1st order of business, food. Thankfully for me the Japanese are a fun, festive type and VERY into theme restaurants. We were able to find our way to the Vampire Cafe. If you know me at all, then you know I love anything that has to do with vampires (and this was WAY before that Twilight crap made it "cool" to glitter like diamonds...don't even get me started on that). The place was complete with red drapes walls, menus and tables made of coffins, vampire themed food and a very tall, red-eyed Japanese man dressed as Dracula (or as they say, Dracula-son). I enjoyed the "three pieces of weapon" for dinner which turned out to be meat on a dagger. I'm still not sure what the 3 pieces of weapon were??

We spent the rest of our time in Tokyo taking in the sights...the Imperial Palace, Jingu Bridge, Senso Temple, Asakusa Temple, Tokyo Tower (saw it, didn't go to the top...Mt Fuji's good enough for me), Shibuya Crossing, Meiji Shrine, a plethora of festivals and dinner at the New York Grill (very fancy restaurant on the 54th floor of the Park Hyatt hotel where Bill Murray filmed Lost in Translation). One of my favorite, yet heart stopping, spots was the Tsukiji Fish Market. The largest fish market in the world selling 2245 tons of fish daily, worth over $15.5 million. Scene of utter chaos and confusion. I'll try and set the stage for you...People (mostly stupid tourists) running around like ants among the fish stalls, trying not to get run over by the fish mobiles driven erratically by the workers who I'm pretty sure were trying to run us (stupid tourists) down, and every type of seafood you can imagine plus the one's you can't. There's a spot where they herd the stupid tourists into to watch the super secret squirrel auctions of tuna. There you watch the auctioneers in action, walking from tuna to tuna, flashlight in hand, rubbing the tuna meat between their fingers, sniffing the produce before finally choosing just the right tuna.

Bells ringing, sellers screaming and the buyers making strange hand gestures such as "the claw". I seriously doubt Jim Carrey knew he was purchasing high quality tuna in Liar Liar. Rumor has it a single tuna has fetched up to 20 million yen (I don't think it was Jim's). Advice for other stupid tourists desiring a trip to the fish market...don't wear flip flops. You will either slip in fish guts and split your head open, or have your toes crushed by said crazed fish cart drivers.

Yanaka cemetery, burial site of many famous Japanese that I have never heard of.

Meiji Shrine

Dinner at the top of the Park Hyatt. Yes, we're in t-shirts and flip flops.

Senso Temple

Imperial palace, complete with swans.

Fuji-san. Mt Fuji to you western folk. The highest mountain in Japan, standing 3,776m (12,388ft again for you westerners). Fuji-san is one of Japan's three holy mountains. Scaling the mountain is still considered a sacred right of passage for many Japanese. Thank goodness we climbed we when we did, apparently women were forbidden from ascending until the late 1800's, early 1900's. Women have come a long way in Japan.
Now, not only can women climb Fuji-san, but we get our own section in the front of the bus and a whole cart on the train during rush hour to prevent horny business men from feeling us up on their way to Wallstreet. We took an evening bus to the 5th station of Mt Fuji to begin our night-long hike to the top. Layering is key. I also recommend the walking stick. Not only is it helpful for the rather slippery descent but it's also "part of the experience". You will not fully appreciate the hike if you don't spend $50 on a stick that you then have to pay to have put on the plane with you. TOTALLY worth it...I'm pretty sure my stick is gloriously perched in the corner of my bathroom right now.

The weary hikers finish in all their glory...check out the stick.

The top of Fuji-san, tip of the crater.

Danielle and I, sunrise at the top of Mt Fuji

Here's more advise, free of charge. Do NOT mistake the Kawaguchiko station for the Kawaguchiko 5th station. After a night long hike, followed by an excrutiatingly-painful-on-the-knees descent down slippery ash gravel, no sleep for more than 24 hours, and stinking to high heaven we reached the 5th station. I had responsibly reserved us a night at a local "hostel" who offered free shuttle rides from the Kawaguchiko station to the hostel. I called, we waited, I called again, we waited, I called a third time, we waited...2 hours, resting outside the information center on the cement, dying. Turns out third times a charm. They were waiting for us at the Kawaguchiko station, we were at the Kawaguchiko 5th station a mere 1 hr bus ride away. Who knew? Lesson learned. We did finally make it to the hostel, got a nice hot shower and found yummy food and sake. Not sake, but sake. Yet another lesson. When you order sake, you could be served any type of alcohol beverage. The name for sake, is sake. The name for any other type of alcohol is also sake. So when you order a sake and a beer, you get beer, cause that's sake. But if you really want sake, you must order multiple different sakes in the hope that eventually you will get the actual sake (again third times a charm). After many beers and awamori, I finally got sake, in a box.

Some other random pics from Tokyo. And more importantly engrish signs...enjoy.

Yosakuri Festival...not sure what it was all about. I'm thinking Japanese So You Think You Can Dance.

The remote control to the greatest Japanese toilet. Located in the Park Hyatt Hotel, it comes with not only a bidet and cleansing option but also a dryer for your ass.

Apparently no fire and/or pitching of tents on Imperial Palace grounds. I kind of figured that goes without saying.

No smoking while walking. It's much more dangerous that just plain smoking.











Unknown festival with cute kids playing drums and old men in shades dancing.








Women only train cart 0734-0900 daily. No groping pervs allowed!








My favorite udon joint. I heart this place!











Samba festival, which I found to just be just an excuse for men to dress in drag and women to dance in the streets naked.







I believe this to be a statue of tanuki, a raccoon dog depicted with large testicles on which to fly. I was thinking maybe I could rub it's belly for luck.

Boat cruise. Please watch your step.

My favorite sign to date! This sign should be posted on all bathrooms world wide. I still can't figure out why people can't pee straight (pun intended).

My new friend. Met him (looks like little boy legs) at the Tokyo Opera Hall art gallery. Very strange place. I think drugs were responsible for it's creation.







And last but certainly not least, Shibuya crossing...

Game faces ladies! Let the fight begin.

And here it is, the grand finale, my directorial and acting debut....Shibuya Crossing. Modern day Japanese intersection, Braveheart style.